A while back I saw my friend Jody Olson tweeting about poor cell phone etiquette. It’s a peeve of mine, too, so I invited Jody to write a guest post for this Make the World Better blog. Here it is, with a big “hallelujah” from me. You can comment here, and you can find Jody online at on the Chapter Two blog or the Chapter Two website.

How do you know when you’re guilty of misusing your cell phone in public? When the circus clown calls you out.

A friend was attending the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus. During the show she pulled out her Blackberry to check in for her flight the next morning. “I wanted to get an ‘A’ boarding pass,” she later told me. But the clown, standing next to her in the beam of a giant spotlight, caught her in the act.

“Hey, lady!” he barked, “I don’t come to your work and ignore you!”

My friend’s entire section erupted in laughter and stared at my friend, her sister, her niece and nephew as they sat in the spotlight, shrinking into their seats. “We were so embarrassed,” her sister said of herself and her kids.

Interestingly, I’m not sure my friend felt embarrassed at all. Some people have no compunction about taking calls, texting, checking email, or surfing the Web…any time, in any place.

Are you an offender? When you’re having coffee with a friend, do you steal furtive glances at your Blackberry, which you cradle in your palm beneath the table? Or worse: When your phone rings, do you spring up from the table, leaving your companion in mid-sentence, holding up a finger to signal “shush,” then walk off to take the call? The clear implied message to your companion is that you’ve just found the opportunity to speak to someone more interesting than they.

Here’s an idea: If you anticipate an important incoming call, email, or text, let the other party know beforehand. “Hey, I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m expecting a call. If I have to step away, I hope you understand.”

Try to take care of your important business prior to a visit or afterward. If silencing your phone isn’t an option, don’t be a clown about it. Be tactful, polite, and considerate. Give people the courtesy of your undivided attention.

Do you like to hike the trails through Arizona’s unbelievable scenic diversity? Ever spent time cooling in the waters beneath Tonto Natural Bridge on a warm summer day? Are you interested in the fascinating history of our state? Then you better clear your weekends and plan to get out and enjoy some of Arizona’s remaining state parks before they close.

Due to severe budget cuts by the state legislature, 13 of Arizona’s state parks will close in early 2010, leaving only 9 state parks open. Four state parks closed last year after even larger budget cuts. Did you do the math? Almost two thirds of Arizona’s state parks will be closed by early June 2010.

The parks will be closed in phases. The schedule follows; click the links to read mor about the parks and plan your visits, and please leave me comments about your favorites and your memories.

Parks Closing on February 22, 2010

• Homolovi Ruins State Park (Winslow)
• Lyman Lake State Park (St. Johns)
• Riordan Mansion State Historic Park (Flagstaff)

Parks Closing on March 29, 2010

• Fort Verde State Historic Park (Camp Verde)
• Roper Lake State Park (Safford)
• Tombstone Courthouse State Historic Park
• Yuma Territorial Prison State Historic Park – One of the most visual and interactive of Arizona’s historical parks. Make sure you climb its watch towers and lock yourself in one of the adobe cells before its too late.
• Tubac Presidio State Historic Park (south of Tucson)

Parks Closing on June 3, 2010

• Tonto Natural Bridge State Park (north of Payson) – I haven’t been here for many years, but I’ll definitely head up to experience its wonder with my wife and kids in late spring. It’s one of Arizona’s most magical places.
• Alamo Lake State Park (Wenden)
• Lost Dutchman State Park (Apache Junction) – Holy cow. It’s almost unfathomable what we’re losing here if we lose access to Lost Dutchman. This is the gateway to popular Superstition Mountain hikes such as Siphon Draw and the Flatiron. Check out the moonlight hike on February 26 or one of the other guided hikes before this park closes.
• Picacho Peak State Park – Hike the trails in this park in the spring when the land is blanketed with wildflowers. The 2-mile hike to the peak is arduous but rewards you with incredible views.
• Red Rock State Park (Sedona) – This scenic nature preserve is set along the banks of Oak Creek below Sedona. This is a great park for a stroll with younger kids; it’s shady, scenic, and cool. I had the pleasure to help with writing the interpretive displays in the environmental center back in the mid-90s.

I feel as though I may be the luckiest man alive. So, while I should be engaging in my Thanksgiving traditions of gorging on black olives and deviled eggs, watching Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, and chasing the kids around the house with a spatula shouting “Happy Spanks-Giving!”, I’m instead going to make a hasty but heartfelt list of the things for which I’m most grateful this season. And this has truly been a year that has heaped blessings upon me.

My Family – As a young man, I professed that I didn’t want kids. I’m the oldest of five natural siblings – two sisters and two brothers – plus three stepsisters, a half sister, and a stepbrother from two different stepparents. Growing up under divorced parents amid the cacophony of all those rugrats, I concluded that the lone wolf way was the better path for me.

My two beautiful boys (a few years younger) demonstrate the second best thing to do with Thanksgiving olives.

That all seems absurd to me, now that I have a beautiful and intelligent woman as my life partner – she’s my wife, but it really is more than that – and two of the most amazing children I could ever have wished for. I love you, Cathrine, Ridley, and Ian.

My Siblings – And I love all of those siblings, from whatever combination of parents they sprang, now that they’re not messing up my paint by numbers kits or embarrassing me in front of girls. (Not as often, anyway.) As adults, they’ve turned into bright, interesting, complex people. They are entrepreneurs, teachers, artists, a Harley chick, an equestrian, a globetrotter, a mechanic, outdoorsy ones, indoorsy ones. They’re all so funny I’d rather drink beers and swap stories with them than just about any other thing I can think of.

My Parents – My mom’s been gone a long time, but there’s no more fitting time to remember her than Thanksgiving, a holiday she dearly loved. From her I learned to believe in myself, to love unconditionally, to forgive. From my dad, I learned to go my own way, to reject unworthy authority, to pick up a shovel and do some work, to treat everyone with respect and dignity. They’re lessons with which I still struggle, with mixed results, to apply every day. Also, this paragraph wouldn’t be complete without a thank you to my dear departed uncle, my mother’s brother, who served in many ways as a surrogate father after my parents divorced and we moved away. Don engendered my love of the outdoors with fishing and camping trips and my love of cooking with his incredible lasagnas and tacos and turkeys. He’s deeply missed by all of the family whom he bonded together for so many years.

My Job – This one is due for a post of its own, so I’ll only briefly say that it’s been incredibly gratifying to launch out on my own this year, in the turmoil of a perilous economy, and be able to thrive while working from home, spending more time with my family and my outdoor activities and books and movies and the other things I love. I’m truly grateful for that good fortune.

My Mentor – I have a network of friends I refer to as my “Dumb Question Network,” whom I trust to answer my dumb questions openly, generously, and with a minimum of snickering. Standing at the center of this group is Jason Baer, who for close to a decade has offered me advice, answers, support, and motivation. He doesn’t need another fan singing his praises online – he has a global network of admirers – but he deserves all the gratitude and praise he receives. I’m grateful to have him as a friend.

My Friends – There’s a lot of overlap here with my “Dumb Question Network,” which is both by design and by extremely good luck: I happen to be friends with some of the smartest people in my business. I can’t possibly name them all, but I’m thankful for the friendship of Alan Perkel, Chris Johnson, Todd Peden, Mike Corak, Maggie Young, Doug Cholewa, Greg Chapman, Robert Morris, Michael Glover, and so many more that I’m regretting even starting this list for fear of leaving off some indispensable someone. Please forgive me any oversight.

The Outdoors – Nothing restores my spirit more than getting outside, whether it’s a hike in Cave Creek, snowboarding in the White Mountains, a singletrack bike ride with friends in the mountain preserve, or a backpacking trip in the Colorado Rockies. I’m grateful to be a child of the Southwest, to have access to so much incredible wilderness, and to have had the opportunity early in life to experience time spent outdoors as an essential component of my life.

My Country – I’ve not felt a stronger wave of optimism than that which welled up within me last November when we elected Barack Obama our president. This country faces many challenges, it will take years or decades to solve some of them, and no one man holds the key. But the fact that my countrymen chose hope and optimism and elected an educated and thoughtful leadership, renewed in me the idea that we could make the world better – together. For all its mistakes, problems, and ugliness, this still is the greatest country in the world, and I’m thankful to be a citizen.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family and friends. Now I need to go grab a spatula and deliver some Spanks-Giving.

In honor of my starring my 500th tweet on Favrd.com, I present my rundown of the 10 funniest tweeps in the land.

1. fireland – Joshua Green Allen is the funniest guy I know (of). Other tweeps received more of my first 500 “favrds,” but Josh’s funny ratio is off the charts. The guy only tweets every few days, but every tweet is gold. It’s not for everybody, but I like my humor dark, twisted, and laugh-until-I-cry funny.
2. awryone – 34 of my first 500 “favrd” tweets went to Josh Donoghue. His wife and his daughter are frequent topics/targets (and are apparently either very good sports or they’re clueless about Twitter), and his humor runs to the junior high locker room variety. Another of my favorite genres.
3. tj – Pithy observations on everyday life, with a tasty sprinkling of innuendo. Wouldn’t want to go a day without it.
4. smartasshat – Absurdist comedy and one of my favorite avatars on Twitter, now with a Twitter background to match.
5. farkerpeaceboy – Mining the comic gold in everyday relationships, with some politics and pop culture thrown in for good measure.
6. nostrich – His two bits that are consistently wickedly funny: “Awkward with/around women” and “Stalking the cute barista.”
7. tony_d – Average guy humor that’s always good for a laugh (not that there’s anything average about Tony, it’s just solid blue collar humor).
8. shoesonwrong – The top tweep chick on my list. Here’s a fine sample of Annie’s stuff: “I don’t mean to discriminate, but if you are one of the Easter Island heads, you have to sit in the back row of the theater. Back row.”
9. ccsteff – Now the ladies are showing up in droves. Stephanie is smart, funny, makes superb comedy out of plainspoken relationship observations. If she weren’t a right-coaster, we’d be drinking buddies.
10. superfantastic – Want to know what’s funny about being a teacher? Here you go. Plus, she shares my fondness for the terminating comma. Gotta love that.

Bonus – Hottest Tweeps

Here are the hottest tweeps to scorch the earth. And by hottest, I mean they’re women and they’re funny. What’s hotter than that? I’ve already included the fetching/hilarious shoesonwrong, ccsteff, and superfantastic in my overall top tweeps. These others didn’t score as many favrds, but in many cases only because I haven’t been following them for as long.

1. aedison
2. effingboring
3. emilybrianna
4. ainsleyofattack
5. sunnybucket
6. clapifyoulikeme
7. crispycracka
8. hotheadred
9. marissaneave

I pulled into The Home Depot parking lot the other morning, apparently right after the morning rush, and nearly every available space and half of the aisles were obstructed with lumber carts and flat-bed carts. I carefully – and skillfully – slid my pickup in between two carts and nosed up against a third one. Then I got out, grabbed a cart, and pushed it inside with me as I entered the store. It’s a simple thing to do, probably burns a few extra calories, and makes the world a better place. Give it a try the next time you pull into the parking lot of a grocery store or megamart.

Of course, it goes without saying (except here on my blog) that when you leave the store with your purchases and after you unload them into your car, you should take the extra 30 seconds to push the cart to the cart storage area, and don’t just leave it in an open parking space. That good deed you performed going into the store doesn’t relieve you from your cart stewardship when you exit.

(Photo by Kevin Dean: betaart.com)

This is really taxing my memory, but I tried to put dates with these. If you were with me at one of these shows, please leave me a comment, and include any corrections if you spot any.

David Gates and Bread 1978
Ian Matthews 1978
Earth, Wind, and Fire 1979
George Thorogood (3) 1980, 1982, 1983
Con Funk Shun 1981
Head East 1981
Jetzons 1981
Rolling Stones 1981
Styx 1981
Dan Fogelberg (2) 1981, 1983
Go Gos 1982
Pat Metheny 1982
Police 1982
Commodores 1983
George Benson 1983
Karla Bonoff 1983
James Taylor (2) 1983, 1994
Neil Young 1983
George Winston (2) 1983, 1985
Romantics 1983
Cars 1984
Liz Story 1985
Return to Forever 1985
REM 1986
William Ackerman 1986
Bruce Hornsby 1987
Crusaders 1987
Dead Hot Workshop 1987
Gin Blossoms 1987
Stevie Ray Vaughn 1987
Albert Collins 1988
Pink Floyd 1988
Forbidden Pigs 1989
Mutts 1989
Social Distortion 1989
Spinning Jenny 1989
Todd Rundgren 1989
Tori Amos 1989
Big Head Todd and the Monsters 1990
Blues Traveler 1990
David Crosby 1990
Dramarama 1990
Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians 1990
Grateful Dead 1990
Indigo Girls 1990
Jackson Browne 1990
Jesus Jones 1990
Pearl Jam 1990
Shawn Colvin 1990
They Might Be Giants 1990
Timbuk 3 1990
Butthole Surfers 1991
Eddie Money 1991
Galen Herod 1991
Ice-T & Body Count 1991
Jane’s Addiction 1991
Living Colour 1991
Matthew Sweet 1991
Nine Inch Nails 1991
Peter Himmelman (3) 1991
Ramones 1991
Rollins Band 1991
Siouxsie and the Banshees 1991
Tom Petty 1991
Chris Whitley 1992
Smithereens 1992
Toad the Wet Sprocket 1992
Cure 1993
Goo Goo Dolls 1993
Lloyd Cole 1993
Robyn Hitchcock 1993
Steely Dan 1993
Juliana Hatfield 1994
Rush 1994
Tragically Hip (2) 2000, 2002
Kristen Hersh 2002
Zwan 2003
Bloc Party 2006
Cat Power 2006
Devendra Banhart 2006
Giant Drag 2006
Sleater-Kinney 2006
Son Volt 2006
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists 2006
Tool 2006
My Morning Jacket (2) 2006, 2007
Wolfmother 2006
Band of Horses 2007
Built to Spill 2007
Camper Van Beethoven 2007
Cracker 2007
Great Lake Swimmers 2007
Minus the Bear (2) 2007, 2009
Modest Mouse 2007
Shins 2007
Silversun Pickups 2007
Viva Voce 2007
Allison Moorer 2008
Meat Puppets 2008
Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers 2008
Steve Earle 2008
Atlantic Aftermath 2009
Vetiver 2009
Richard Swift 2009
Green Day 2009

I went for a couple of pints of Guinness with my buddy Josh last night, and watching him calculate his tip to the penny reminded me that this post was overdue.

This I believe:

• Nearly any server needs the money more than I do
• 20% is your starting point for tipping, only truly bad service (not bad food, bad ambience, ugly patrons) should influence your tip below 20%

With these principles in mind, here’s my 3-step, 5-second process to calculating your tip:

1. Round up your total (including tax) to the nearest dollar
2. Double the total, then divide by 10
3. Round up to the next dollar

That’s your tip. Simple. Let’s look at this step-by-step, using my $18.62 total for 2 pints and one fish and chips entree (beer-battered, of course):

1. Round up to $19
2. Double to $38, then divide by 10 to get $3.80
3. Round up to $4 to get the correct tip amount

Backing out the tax from my original total, I can assume that my food and drink total was around $17.20, so my $4 tip amounts to 23%. That’s an above-average tip, which is about where I want to start. If the service was good, I’ll throw in an extra buck or two. It’s only a buck or two but it increases the tip to the 30% – 35% range. That’s a good deal.

Now, let’s compare this with Josh’s process and the tip amount he arrived at:

1. Review the check to determine the pretax total of $17.20
2. Calculate 20%, using my simple “double then divide by 10″ trick to get $3.44
3. Add $3.44 to $18.62 to get your check total of $22.06
4. Realize that you saved only 56 cents for the effort of doing that math with two pints of Guinness coursing through your brain
5. Realize that for your 56 cents in savings, you demoted yourself from an above-average tipper to an average tipper

Isn’t it so much easier to just round everything up, do the simple math, and be an above-average to good tipper?

(photo by fensterbme)

This is an update on a post from exactly one year ago, announcing that my good friend Tom Fulcher had just found a kidney donor to make possible his life-saving kidney transplant.

Today is the one year anniversary of that successful surgery, a day that Tom calls his “kidney birthday.” And what a year it has been. After moving successfully through the initial weeks in which organ rejection is a concern, Tom has continued to do fantastic, an opinion shared by his doctor, his friends, and his wonderful wife Michelle (who donated a kidney last year as part of the donor chain that made Tom’s transplant possible). He’s active, vital, and funny. Making the most of his “rebirthday,” Tom is this weekend hiking the Grand Canyon with Michelle. Last week he and I took home the “trophy” and $40 first prize in the Tuesday night trivia contest at Rock Bottom Brewery, beating eight other teams, including one team of 10.

I feel blessed to have a good friend like Tom, and grateful that I can count on him being around for a long time. Happy kidney birthday, Tom. The next pint is on me.

Most people can, without thinking, form a possessive noun. You build one by adding an apostrophe and an “s” to a noun, as in “Occam’s razor” and “the cat’s meow.”

But things are different with pronouns. (Pronouns are those little words that stand in for nouns, such as he, she, it, they, us, him, her, you.) You NEVER use an apostrophe for the possessive form of a pronoun.

That bears repeating: You NEVER use an apostrophe for the possessive form of a pronoun. Instead, you use a different word. So the possessive of “me” is “mine” and the possessive of “he” is “his.” So far so good.

“It” is the problem pronoun. To form the possessive, “it” DOES get an “s” on the end, but it doesn’t get an apostrophe. Repeat after me: You NEVER use an apostrophe for the possessive form of a pronoun.
Here’s how to get it right for “its” and “it’s”:
• “Its” is possessive, as in “This web app is pretty, but I’m not sure about its usefulness.”
• “It’s” is a contraction of “it is,” as in “It’s time for mojitos.”

It’s confusing, I know, so any time you type an apostrophe, I recommend that you pause and remember that rule. I don’t need to repeat it again, do I?

What else trips you up when you’re writing? Let me know and I’ll try to shed some light.

This one gets me every time I go to a movie. The movie lets out, a stream of men queue up in the men’s room, and by the time I get my bladder emptied and arrive at the sink, it looks like New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina.

So let’s bring Leave No Trace principles to the restroom, gentlemen, with these simple guidelines.

1. At the urinal, you face a tough decision: Don’t flush and conserve water, or flush and be gentlemanly. I feel there’s room for discretion here. If it’s a fancy place, flush. If it’s a ballpark or movie theater or sports bar, and guys are lined up, give the Earth a boost and leave it.
2. No decisions at the sink. Splash as little as possible. Use soap. Actually wash your hands. This is not for show.
3. Take no more than two towels. Start with one, and if you need another, take another. You don’t need eight. You just don’t.
4. Now the tough one: Use the paper towel with which you dried your hands to wipe off the countertop. It takes less than two seconds, and if everyone does it, it will only take the one towel. Of course, everyone doesn’t do it, so that’s why you need to be the one who does.
5. Finally, throw the towel in the trash. Not on the counter. Not on the floor. Not NEAR the trash. Make sure it goes in. If you miss, get your own rebound and finish, even if it means bending over a little. The thing that separates us from the great apes is at stake here.

Have your own thoughts? Please let me have it.

But don’t bother to write if your message is a variation on “that’s somebody else’s job.” If you haven’t evolved beyond that mentality, you shouldn’t be using writing implements.