Leave No Trace Comes to a Public Restroom Near You

This one gets me every time I go to a movie. The movie lets out, a stream of men queue up in the men’s room, and by the time I get my bladder emptied and arrive at the sink, it looks like New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina.

So let’s bring Leave No Trace principles to the restroom, gentlemen, with these simple guidelines.

1. At the urinal, you face a tough decision: Don’t flush and conserve water, or flush and be gentlemanly. I feel there’s room for discretion here. If it’s a fancy place, flush. If it’s a ballpark or movie theater or sports bar, and guys are lined up, give the Earth a boost and leave it.
2. No decisions at the sink. Splash as little as possible. Use soap. Actually wash your hands. This is not for show.
3. Take no more than two towels. Start with one, and if you need another, take another. You don’t need eight. You just don’t.
4. Now the tough one: Use the paper towel with which you dried your hands to wipe off the countertop. It takes less than two seconds, and if everyone does it, it will only take the one towel. Of course, everyone doesn’t do it, so that’s why you need to be the one who does.
5. Finally, throw the towel in the trash. Not on the counter. Not on the floor. Not NEAR the trash. Make sure it goes in. If you miss, get your own rebound and finish, even if it means bending over a little. The thing that separates us from the great apes is at stake here.

Have your own thoughts? Please let me have it.

But don’t bother to write if your message is a variation on “that’s somebody else’s job.” If you haven’t evolved beyond that mentality, you shouldn’t be using writing implements.